Fictional Bucketlist

Saw this on pinterest and I decided why not:

1. Be kissed by Gambit  (X-Men)

2. Hang Out in Foreman's basement (That 70's Show)

3. Work at the Mayor's Office (Spin City)

4. Have a drink at the Cheer's Bar (Cheers)

5. Fly on Carpet (Aladdin)

6. Be picked up for a date on Appa (Avatar)

7. Ride around in the BatMobile (Batman)

8. Have Sex with a servant of Kushiel (Kushiel legacy series)

9. Have a chat with Dumbledore over tea (Harry Potter)

10. Go on a date with Archie Andrews, I really do not see what the fuss is about. He is a ginger kid who isn't exactly the best looking kid in the comic.

11. Water bend with katara (Avatar)

12. Put on my customised Ray Ban's, stand in my nice black suit, say 'Look at me' and Flash Somebody (MIB )

13.Decode a name from the loom (Wanted )

14.Visit Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson)

15. Move in with Penny for a week (The Big Bany Theory)

16. Slap Jean Gray , she is such a silly female (X-men)

17. Plan and Execute prank with The Weasley Twins (Harry Potter)

18. Have a late night gossip session about Dorrien with Sonea because she so desperstely needed a friend at some point (The Black Magician Trilogy)

19. Flirt with James Bond

Life

I have a Job Interview on Thursday *sigh* This growing up thing sucks

Recently I've decided to do this thing where everyday I do or wear something stylish and i've been doing well up until today. Today I just look like the hot mess that I usually do. *sigh* again. What a huge set back.

I think i am developing Anger Issues. The little things annoy me now. Or maybe I have always have anger issues but they were dormant. Anyway I don't want you. Please go away. Now I find myself having to stop myself from snapping at people, and I don't always win. I need to pray about it.

I have been doing a lot of reflection recently and quite frankly I am not where I used to be or should be. Sigh. And I know where this slippery slope started. Now I am here. Do I dig myself out or continue to wallow in mediocrity.

I love that my blog is anonymous. i wish i had the foresight to make my twitter account anonymous. i wish there was a way to be anonymous on Bbm. I cannot wait to buy the new Samsung S3.

I should to this I am thing  saw on a friends blog... * deep breathe*. I will do two versions. The good and the bad

I am Insecure
I amOverweight
I am Sad
I am Lazy
I am a Spendthrift
I am the girl who has never been in Love
I am Antisocial
I am Beautiful
I am Passionate
I am a Friend
I am a Sister
I am a Daughter
I am a book worm
I am the girl who cares about random strangers
I am the girl who tries to treat everyone equally
I am the girl who wants to be closer to God
I am the girl who cries in sad scenes in movies or cartoons
I am the girl who cares about politics and current event
I am the girl who likes to see her friends happy
I am Confident
I am Brave

*sigh*
I am a lot of things. I really need to work on the negatives... oh well *skips off*

I’m Here For You

By Mila Jaroniec 

Four words and a thousand different interpretations.

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you,” they mean “I’m here for a while, for an hour or an evening. You’re a generally good person and I enjoy your company and I know you have to vent right now, so I’ll listen; I’ll even bring the beers if you want. But I probably won’t stay the night.”

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you” they mean “I don’t know what else to say to your sad story. You floored me and I have absolutely no advice, nowhere to go from here. All I can do is sit here with you and absorb. Hope that helps.” Other times, “I’m here for you” means “I’m here for you but I’d rather not be, it’s just what you’re supposed to say in these situations so I don’t know. I’m offering, but I hope you don’t actually take me up on it.”

See? Different. Sometimes it means something, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the people who say it might as well be commenting on the weather, the brunch they just came home from. The words come out but they don’t resonate, emptied of their meaning, just tiny bare word packages floating across a synapse. And sometimes the people who truly mean it never say the words at all.

But when I say I’m here for you, I mean it. I mean it differently. Genuinely. Let me explain.
There’s a part of friendship that’s more than camaraderie and good feelings, more than having someone to hang out with all the time and bullshit with on lazy Saturday mornings. There’s a part of friendship — real friendship — that’s fierce love. The part marked by understanding, protection, sacrifice. The strong part. The selfless, human part. The part that would move your body in front of theirs to take a bullet without a blink or second thought.

And that’s why I want to tell you I’m here for you — because I am. Not in the therapist sense, not in the let’s-talk-about-our-crap-boyfriends-over-martinis sense, but the real sense: I love you enough to make room for your pain in my heart and handle it like my own. Or better than my own, because my own usually ends up stuffed into a back corner of my brain and left there to ferment into a viscous, sour liquor.
I’m here for you honestly, sometimes painfully so. I may not have firsthand experience with the exact thing you’re going through, but I know what it means to hurt. Hurt translates pretty well. I know what it’s like to feel silenced, shut down, wounded. To feel like there’s no one who really understands, or cares, or will even make the genuine effort; to feel like even talking about it is nothing but a pointless stirring of air. I care about you too much to make you feel that way alone.

I may not give the best advice, or even moderately good advice, but I’m here for you. I may not give you any advice at all — sometimes there just isn’t any, just try what sucks the least and hope for the best — but I’m listening. You can talk to me about anything you want; your fears and apprehensions, the things you’re afraid to acknowledge let alone say out loud. They probably won’t go away but maybe they’ll get smaller and a little easier to deal with, and that’s still something.

I’m here for you when you’re giving up, when you’re exhausted. I’m here for you when you’ve got no more left. When you’re overwhelmed by the bleak truth and vast helplessness of it all, the ache, the emptiness; I’ll hold your hair back when your sadness makes you sick, hold your chattering bones when you sob in my arms like a hysterical child. I’ll listen to your words or your silence, whichever you give me. I’m here for you when there’s nothing left to say.

I’m here for you, put it on my shoulders. I’m here for you when your heart is squeezed dry, dehydrated and dark like shriveled weeds. When you open your mouth to speak and no sound comes out because language can’t articulate the white noise in your head, can’t wrap descriptors around its frequency, I hear you. Pour your tears into me, wet my shirt sleeves and dry your eyes with my hair.

Genuine friendship is a rare thing and that’s why I want to tell you I’m here for you. And when I say I’m here for you, it’s because I need you too — your existence makes me lighter; your presence helps tease out the mess of the world. Is that weird? Are people allowed to feel that way about other people anymore? There are people all over the place, we’re always stuck in this incredible anthill, but when we find the one person we can actually trust and let our guard down with we cleave to them like dust to sweat. And we’re not trained to feel this way. We’re supposed to be so evolved, so independent and self-serving, that sometimes we forget what it’s like — and that it’s okay — to need someone to love us, take care of us, take on our emotional weight.

I’m here for you because I am that person, and because you are that person for me

LOOOOL

I just read the funniest thing.... It has but me in an amazing mood. Not like i was in a bad mood before but now i am chipper... My friend is hilarious... Read it Here

In other news I feel like I am tired of some of my friends. I just want to lose my phone and not talk to anyone for about a month. do a sort of cleanse. I know too many people and yet i still feel so lonely sometimes.

You Don’t Like Me

By January Nelson 

It must be so hard being you. It’s always trying to be decisive, to say what you know deep down is right even at the risk of coming off less-than-perfect, to cut a cord when you’re not entirely sure what you want.

We’re together. Or we’re not. Or maybe we’ll get together. Or maybe we’re somewhere in between. I like you. I think about you constantly. I want to know everything about you. I want to be around you.

Though you haven’t said anything directly, it seems obvious that you’re not as on board. You’re vague. You’re flakey. I could forget about it. I could be delusional. I could hear what I want to hear and ignore my gut. You tell me you’re in it, but you seem really out of it. Maybe you think I don’t realize. Maybe you think you’re fooling me. I hate to go all Greg Behrendt on you but I know: if you were into me, you would act like you were into me.

So what’s going on here is: You don’t like me.

Okay, whoa. Whoa. Don’t get defensive. Don’t shush me. Don’t start countering my point. You do like me. You do. You like me a lot. You just…have some issues, some things to work out, some dilemmas Nelly-And-Kelly-style. You’re just an aloof person. You’re just bad at showing love. You just feel awkward about intimacy. You’re just not always present. You don’t mean to be that way. That’s just what you’re like. You can’t help it. It says nothing about me.

Your distance is palpable. It’s disappointing and expected. It’s this weird elephant in the room that is our relationship, whatever it is. I can sit here all day and make excuses for you. I could say things like: “He had a really hard family life so he just doesn’t do affection.” “He hates answering text messages during the daylight hours.” “He’s just grumpy around people with faces and hair so he doesn’t want to meet any of my friends.” “He’s really busy with his skateboarding business right now.”

No. Nope. Uh uh. If you like someone, you find a way. If you like someone, they invade your thoughts and actions involuntarily. If you like someone, you’re on fire. If you like someone, you make room for them in your brain and in your life — no matter what else is going on. (Or even better, you don’t have to make room. You just feel like they fit.)

So let me help you out, dude, because you want to say anything about our situation but the most basic truth.
You don’t like me. You. Do Not. Like. Me.

Sure, I’m fun. I’m easy to be around. I seem great. I like you. But I don’t make you crazy. I don’t make you sweat. I don’t make you interested. You don’t think about me when you’re in bed at night. You don’t need to see me, to touch me, to talk to me. You don’t wonder what I’m up to or what I’ll do in the future. You like me fine, but you don’t like me.

You’re a nice person so you don’t want to say it so bluntly; Either you think it’s mean or you’re noncommittally trying to keep me around for rainy day boredom. You’re full of excuses and you never take action, but you’re not an outright d-ck.

You just don’t like me. Doesn’t that feel better?

I’m taking the burden off your shoulders. I’m alleviating your tension, your obligation, your pain. (I mean, never mind my own, right?)

No more growing anxiety wondering if you should wait 24 hours to call me back. No more coming up with elaborate excuses for why you can’t meet me and my friends at the bar. No more pushing yourself to feel about me the way I feel about you. Let me just wipe those stressors right out of your life. Must have been such a difficult time for you.

I hope I could eliminate your guilt. I know it must have been hard, all this time, bandying back and forth between wanting to keep me or not hurt me and facing up to your non-feelings. No more looking at your phone and sighing instead of answering flirty texts. No more leaving me in your bed while you go do work on your computer. No more talking about “slowing down.” I’m not a dope. I get it.

You’re free. More importantly, I’m free.

You don’t like me — so today, I set us both free.


I'm going to post some of my favorite though catalog posts. I really like this one because it is both sad and beautiful