Stressed

I am stressed because I hate planning things but I love planning things. Too many bridal showers this year, too many weddings. Which means I have to deal with tailor drama, make up drama, aso ebi drama, gele drama, bridal train drama (This has already started). All this on top of the pressure of me standing firm and not working until I get a job I will enjoy. One half of the parental unit has summoned me to Abuja to work for him. Need to break it to him that I am not coming. Stressed because 3 out of a group of 5 are engaged and everyone keeps asking me when I am getting engaged. Stressed because although I love my boyfriend, I miss being single and not having to think about anyone else but myself Stressed because I went for a job interview that I know that I did not want but pays well and now I hear that I have to come back for a second round of interviews so they can choose between me and this other guy. Stressed because the pay is amazing but it isn't what I want to do. Stressed because I need to start my start-up but starting is stressing me out. Stressed because I have students that I have to teach and I don't want to make a mistake. Stressed because I know God is trying to teach me lessons but I am sometimes to impatient to wait/learn. Stressed because I am not ready to be a church leader but I feel like I am being pigeon holed into taking responsibility. Stressed because I finally love to exercise but since I am about to annoy the parental unit, I might not be able to afford to work out anymore. Stressed because I need my visa to come out so I can pay for my flight ticket. Stressed because I HAVE NO LIGHT. NIGERIA WHICH WAY FORWARD. Stressed because I seem to have problems with letting people go, which was not a problem in the past. I have changed too much. A soft heart that bleeds will eventually stop beating. Stressed because I have so much to say but I am too lazy to write.

Z-nation

Z nation is my guilty pleasure show of the moment. It is so slapstick but I love it. Went to a wedding with the SO (significant other) on Saturday. The heat was unbearable. I just had ti sit in one corner and do babe. Dancing was out of the question. Instead of me to get with the programme of wearing next to nothing to weddings I defiantly wore an ankle length skirt. The heat had the last laugh. This didi on my head makes me look like an ekaete but at least I don't have to go through the struggle of combing and plaiting it every night. I really should get started on that podcast. Time waits for no man and all that jazz. Oh! Saw a girl I used ti be friends with on Saturday as well. She too far away for me to be civil at best and when she was close enough it would not have been a good idea. Also ain't nobody gat time to start up another round of talk talk. Anyway as "big" as Lagos is I am sure I will run into her again. Still trying to convince B to wear a risque dress for her reception. She keeps going on about her father in law and I keep telling her that he will be more than alright. Actually I am just teasing her. Looking like a 10 dollar hoe at your wedding reception is not photobook material.

Beacause I am waiting for this show to load....

Sigh...... Fast Internet.... Oh how I took you for granted.... Now watching one episode of my favorite show takes 2 hours..... No I will no download. I am too lazy for that..... My year away was amazing... I grew in so many ways... Mostly thanks to my boyfriend... I used to think I was so Zen.... Pfffffttttttt..... Now the journey to Zeness (Is this a real word?? Do I care??) begins. So many things to say... Biggest lesson I learnt from my year away is not to take things personally. For example, a friend and I are supposed to be running a business venture. She has been MIA (which isn't unusual), tried to reach out, usually she calls me after a few tries. This time chased her for 3 weeks no response. Then I get a text saying " Hey, I have been deliberately MIA, Will call you at lunch.". 5 days later I am still waiting for this cool phone call. Old me would have been burnt and angry but I am surprisingly chilled. What will be will be and what will not , will not. JOB HUNTING!!! ARGGGGHHHHH Got a text today for an interview tomorrow. Googled the company and it had so many bad reviews. This is me thinking " Hian with all my certificate , you want me to carry drugs to hawk from office to office?? Mbanu..." I should post more. I think I will. I know I will. End of year resolution.

Where to begin??

It has been such an interesting year for me.I say year because iy has been almost a year since I put up a post I remember thinking to myself " I haven't had any of those trials that the bible talks about, what is wrong with me?" The sayings be careful what you ask for and When it rains it pours are apt. Picked up a few " enemies" on the way, okay enemies is me being my dramatic self. Cut off a few people, got cut off. A lot of growth. Learnt the value of friends who speak their mind but still support you. Lost weight (Summer I see you) Found Love (Finally, I know) Interesting year.

Men are not from Mars, they are from the land of " You need to get it together"

Yes once again I have been thoroughly harassed by she who must not be named for neglecting my blog. ........................................................................................................... I Just cannot understand men. We think so differently. Over the weekend i got the " i really like you " speech from a guy. Flattered as i was i asked him " but didn't you just break up with your girlfriend" and he goes " That was 3 months ago". Now for me 3 months is not a rational amount of time to be over someone but apparently for a guy it is. So i am intrigued by this concept. I further my experiment. Two friends. Used to date. Broke up. I ask the guy so are u ready to date and he is like of course we broke up 7months ago. I ask the girl and she is like they just broke up. It has only been 6 months In summary time passes very differently for guys than it does for girls. A girl can take a year to get over a douche bag or a perfectly nice guy and in contrast a guy is ready to date much quicker. Then again that may be because guys don't always take time out to heal. They just go about carrying old hurts and allowing it to change who they were. Tweh! .................................................................................................................. This week at work the only two people i am properly friends with had this huge public fight in the kitchen. It was so painful to watch. Sigh. I now had the pleasant job of explaining to them how they both messed up. Now their friendship is destroyed. I am quite glad that i learnt very early on that when u are angry do not throw personal insults. You can never take them back. Your words will fester and become a wound that will never heal. Oh well i am just going to have to learn to be friends with them individually as opposed to the group we once were. Speaking about work I have started my count down. ..................................................................................................................... Going out less and less and that is just the way I like it!

Bella Naija i am angry with you

So i know bella naija isn't exactly known for it's well researched and political stories and that is fine. They are a lifestyle website. All fine and dandy buuuuuuuuttttt when did they become home wreckers?????? I go on there and find a feature on my ex-crush from my last post. I am happy but also sad that i have to share his amazing voice with the world. And if you haven't figured this is a delusional rant. Loool. I am happy for him. Good music should be appreciated. Sigh.. That being sAid i am still on a quest to find the one, who isn't necessarily THE ONE, who will write me a love letter or a song. Don't all rush and come at me at one now

On Vanity

This post has been sitting in my draft for almost 6 months!!!!!! Too poor  . So the first 3 lines is a condensed version of the original post then i shall just go back to rambling
On Vanity

One of my favorite sayings is 'I'm so pretty and witty and gay', it is from the play West Side Story.... I love Plays.... Okay so when i started this post i was in a bad place. I say bad place because vanity is such a horrible thing. I left it sitting in my draft and coming back to it i realise i have changed. I still like to look pretty but not because i want other people to say i look nice but because I want to look nice for myself. Okay moving on...

I have started wearing heels to church. Whoop whoop. And i like it. My dream of becoming a Lagos IT girl may still happen.

Anyway back to vanity.

Too many Lagos girls are all vanity and no substance. It is so sad. I am glad i took a step back to re-evaluate. That being said change is not easy. It is when you decide not to be that girl who dates randomly that guys from your past start paying attention, but the devil is a LIAR.


Oooer speaking of church i had a crush on this guy in my church for about 2 sundays ( what can i say, old habits die hard). He isn't even my usual type but boy can he sing. I fell in love when i watched him perform at  some thing i went to with a friend. Of which said friend had just broken up with his girlfriend, i don't know why he wanted to go to a valentines day open mic thing. I would have been at home crying. Men are such strange creatures. Anyway the moral of the story is i had a new crush, albeit for a short while and it felt might good. 

So

Yah.... Moving on from the it has been a while blah blah......

This blogger is stupid. Why can't i follow blogs on wordpress? And then they talk about it being a global village.... Pah!


Work has been crazy. Some days i wake up and for the whole day i am thinking " i don't want to do this anymore" and on other days i think " i could do this forever" . I am going to skip all the nonsense about my douchebag head of litigation. Let us just say we don't get along because I think he is not a nice person.

Now that i have reset my password will definitely blog more..

I am such a hermit. I really cannot be asked to go out and socialise anymore. That is how husband will pass me by now. My mother will most probably feel it more than i would. She has been hinting seriously that i need a boyfriend at least. Example of a recent conversation

Me: noooooooo you are going to the overs for a month. Whyyyyyy? I am going to be so lonely

Mum: you see if you had a boyfriend now you could have gone there for a while

Me: surely that is medicine after death

Mum: i am just telling you what could have happened

Me: flounces off

No but really i am going to be so bored alone.

I miss him

As I speak with him, i type and I will say what I cannot...... I MISS YOU...... sigh....

I was so stupid to break up with you but i was proud but now I know....

And now you have someone else and I have gone through a long list of silly somebodies.

But I am happy for the friendship we have and I hope we have this forever.

And I know I never said it but now that I think back I think I must have loved you.

Mayhap

I don't know.

Anyway you will always be my favorite EVER

LoL

And now your lecturing me about being too picky -_-, please buzz off abed... LOOOOOL

Sooooooo

ummmm yeah.....

I'm sorry

Anyway moving on from the formalities

I saw something about being sad and happy at the same time and i felt like i could relate just that i am not happy and sad, more like content and discontent. One minute I love my life and the next minute not so much. When i say not so much i don't mean it in a I want to slit my wrists way but in a ' SCREEEEEAMMMMMM why is my life so mundane sort of way'

*sigh*

I used to think I was very uncomplicated but now I know myself better and on a scale of 1- 10, 10 being the most complicated I am an 8.5... working on it but it is a slooooow process

I find everything so boring and done nowadays....

Well apart from last thursday when I almost had a melt down while driving. I was 2 seconds away from tears. Then I decided to go and get a smoothie from silifabud, met a friend there and my day got better.

The most important thing I learnt last week is that it isn't over until God says it is over.

That being said I am now a fatty mc fattie., as i type this my size 10 jeans are begging to be taken off, I can hear it's cry for help, the whimper ' please, please'

Sigh. Pilates tomorrow. Round One. And E is such a bitch I know she won't take it easy on me


xoxo

Fictional Bucketlist

Saw this on pinterest and I decided why not:

1. Be kissed by Gambit  (X-Men)

2. Hang Out in Foreman's basement (That 70's Show)

3. Work at the Mayor's Office (Spin City)

4. Have a drink at the Cheer's Bar (Cheers)

5. Fly on Carpet (Aladdin)

6. Be picked up for a date on Appa (Avatar)

7. Ride around in the BatMobile (Batman)

8. Have Sex with a servant of Kushiel (Kushiel legacy series)

9. Have a chat with Dumbledore over tea (Harry Potter)

10. Go on a date with Archie Andrews, I really do not see what the fuss is about. He is a ginger kid who isn't exactly the best looking kid in the comic.

11. Water bend with katara (Avatar)

12. Put on my customised Ray Ban's, stand in my nice black suit, say 'Look at me' and Flash Somebody (MIB )

13.Decode a name from the loom (Wanted )

14.Visit Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson)

15. Move in with Penny for a week (The Big Bany Theory)

16. Slap Jean Gray , she is such a silly female (X-men)

17. Plan and Execute prank with The Weasley Twins (Harry Potter)

18. Have a late night gossip session about Dorrien with Sonea because she so desperstely needed a friend at some point (The Black Magician Trilogy)

19. Flirt with James Bond

Life

I have a Job Interview on Thursday *sigh* This growing up thing sucks

Recently I've decided to do this thing where everyday I do or wear something stylish and i've been doing well up until today. Today I just look like the hot mess that I usually do. *sigh* again. What a huge set back.

I think i am developing Anger Issues. The little things annoy me now. Or maybe I have always have anger issues but they were dormant. Anyway I don't want you. Please go away. Now I find myself having to stop myself from snapping at people, and I don't always win. I need to pray about it.

I have been doing a lot of reflection recently and quite frankly I am not where I used to be or should be. Sigh. And I know where this slippery slope started. Now I am here. Do I dig myself out or continue to wallow in mediocrity.

I love that my blog is anonymous. i wish i had the foresight to make my twitter account anonymous. i wish there was a way to be anonymous on Bbm. I cannot wait to buy the new Samsung S3.

I should to this I am thing  saw on a friends blog... * deep breathe*. I will do two versions. The good and the bad

I am Insecure
I amOverweight
I am Sad
I am Lazy
I am a Spendthrift
I am the girl who has never been in Love
I am Antisocial
I am Beautiful
I am Passionate
I am a Friend
I am a Sister
I am a Daughter
I am a book worm
I am the girl who cares about random strangers
I am the girl who tries to treat everyone equally
I am the girl who wants to be closer to God
I am the girl who cries in sad scenes in movies or cartoons
I am the girl who cares about politics and current event
I am the girl who likes to see her friends happy
I am Confident
I am Brave

*sigh*
I am a lot of things. I really need to work on the negatives... oh well *skips off*

I’m Here For You

By Mila Jaroniec 

Four words and a thousand different interpretations.

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you,” they mean “I’m here for a while, for an hour or an evening. You’re a generally good person and I enjoy your company and I know you have to vent right now, so I’ll listen; I’ll even bring the beers if you want. But I probably won’t stay the night.”

Sometimes, when people say “I’m here for you” they mean “I don’t know what else to say to your sad story. You floored me and I have absolutely no advice, nowhere to go from here. All I can do is sit here with you and absorb. Hope that helps.” Other times, “I’m here for you” means “I’m here for you but I’d rather not be, it’s just what you’re supposed to say in these situations so I don’t know. I’m offering, but I hope you don’t actually take me up on it.”

See? Different. Sometimes it means something, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the people who say it might as well be commenting on the weather, the brunch they just came home from. The words come out but they don’t resonate, emptied of their meaning, just tiny bare word packages floating across a synapse. And sometimes the people who truly mean it never say the words at all.

But when I say I’m here for you, I mean it. I mean it differently. Genuinely. Let me explain.
There’s a part of friendship that’s more than camaraderie and good feelings, more than having someone to hang out with all the time and bullshit with on lazy Saturday mornings. There’s a part of friendship — real friendship — that’s fierce love. The part marked by understanding, protection, sacrifice. The strong part. The selfless, human part. The part that would move your body in front of theirs to take a bullet without a blink or second thought.

And that’s why I want to tell you I’m here for you — because I am. Not in the therapist sense, not in the let’s-talk-about-our-crap-boyfriends-over-martinis sense, but the real sense: I love you enough to make room for your pain in my heart and handle it like my own. Or better than my own, because my own usually ends up stuffed into a back corner of my brain and left there to ferment into a viscous, sour liquor.
I’m here for you honestly, sometimes painfully so. I may not have firsthand experience with the exact thing you’re going through, but I know what it means to hurt. Hurt translates pretty well. I know what it’s like to feel silenced, shut down, wounded. To feel like there’s no one who really understands, or cares, or will even make the genuine effort; to feel like even talking about it is nothing but a pointless stirring of air. I care about you too much to make you feel that way alone.

I may not give the best advice, or even moderately good advice, but I’m here for you. I may not give you any advice at all — sometimes there just isn’t any, just try what sucks the least and hope for the best — but I’m listening. You can talk to me about anything you want; your fears and apprehensions, the things you’re afraid to acknowledge let alone say out loud. They probably won’t go away but maybe they’ll get smaller and a little easier to deal with, and that’s still something.

I’m here for you when you’re giving up, when you’re exhausted. I’m here for you when you’ve got no more left. When you’re overwhelmed by the bleak truth and vast helplessness of it all, the ache, the emptiness; I’ll hold your hair back when your sadness makes you sick, hold your chattering bones when you sob in my arms like a hysterical child. I’ll listen to your words or your silence, whichever you give me. I’m here for you when there’s nothing left to say.

I’m here for you, put it on my shoulders. I’m here for you when your heart is squeezed dry, dehydrated and dark like shriveled weeds. When you open your mouth to speak and no sound comes out because language can’t articulate the white noise in your head, can’t wrap descriptors around its frequency, I hear you. Pour your tears into me, wet my shirt sleeves and dry your eyes with my hair.

Genuine friendship is a rare thing and that’s why I want to tell you I’m here for you. And when I say I’m here for you, it’s because I need you too — your existence makes me lighter; your presence helps tease out the mess of the world. Is that weird? Are people allowed to feel that way about other people anymore? There are people all over the place, we’re always stuck in this incredible anthill, but when we find the one person we can actually trust and let our guard down with we cleave to them like dust to sweat. And we’re not trained to feel this way. We’re supposed to be so evolved, so independent and self-serving, that sometimes we forget what it’s like — and that it’s okay — to need someone to love us, take care of us, take on our emotional weight.

I’m here for you because I am that person, and because you are that person for me

LOOOOL

I just read the funniest thing.... It has but me in an amazing mood. Not like i was in a bad mood before but now i am chipper... My friend is hilarious... Read it Here

In other news I feel like I am tired of some of my friends. I just want to lose my phone and not talk to anyone for about a month. do a sort of cleanse. I know too many people and yet i still feel so lonely sometimes.

You Don’t Like Me

By January Nelson 

It must be so hard being you. It’s always trying to be decisive, to say what you know deep down is right even at the risk of coming off less-than-perfect, to cut a cord when you’re not entirely sure what you want.

We’re together. Or we’re not. Or maybe we’ll get together. Or maybe we’re somewhere in between. I like you. I think about you constantly. I want to know everything about you. I want to be around you.

Though you haven’t said anything directly, it seems obvious that you’re not as on board. You’re vague. You’re flakey. I could forget about it. I could be delusional. I could hear what I want to hear and ignore my gut. You tell me you’re in it, but you seem really out of it. Maybe you think I don’t realize. Maybe you think you’re fooling me. I hate to go all Greg Behrendt on you but I know: if you were into me, you would act like you were into me.

So what’s going on here is: You don’t like me.

Okay, whoa. Whoa. Don’t get defensive. Don’t shush me. Don’t start countering my point. You do like me. You do. You like me a lot. You just…have some issues, some things to work out, some dilemmas Nelly-And-Kelly-style. You’re just an aloof person. You’re just bad at showing love. You just feel awkward about intimacy. You’re just not always present. You don’t mean to be that way. That’s just what you’re like. You can’t help it. It says nothing about me.

Your distance is palpable. It’s disappointing and expected. It’s this weird elephant in the room that is our relationship, whatever it is. I can sit here all day and make excuses for you. I could say things like: “He had a really hard family life so he just doesn’t do affection.” “He hates answering text messages during the daylight hours.” “He’s just grumpy around people with faces and hair so he doesn’t want to meet any of my friends.” “He’s really busy with his skateboarding business right now.”

No. Nope. Uh uh. If you like someone, you find a way. If you like someone, they invade your thoughts and actions involuntarily. If you like someone, you’re on fire. If you like someone, you make room for them in your brain and in your life — no matter what else is going on. (Or even better, you don’t have to make room. You just feel like they fit.)

So let me help you out, dude, because you want to say anything about our situation but the most basic truth.
You don’t like me. You. Do Not. Like. Me.

Sure, I’m fun. I’m easy to be around. I seem great. I like you. But I don’t make you crazy. I don’t make you sweat. I don’t make you interested. You don’t think about me when you’re in bed at night. You don’t need to see me, to touch me, to talk to me. You don’t wonder what I’m up to or what I’ll do in the future. You like me fine, but you don’t like me.

You’re a nice person so you don’t want to say it so bluntly; Either you think it’s mean or you’re noncommittally trying to keep me around for rainy day boredom. You’re full of excuses and you never take action, but you’re not an outright d-ck.

You just don’t like me. Doesn’t that feel better?

I’m taking the burden off your shoulders. I’m alleviating your tension, your obligation, your pain. (I mean, never mind my own, right?)

No more growing anxiety wondering if you should wait 24 hours to call me back. No more coming up with elaborate excuses for why you can’t meet me and my friends at the bar. No more pushing yourself to feel about me the way I feel about you. Let me just wipe those stressors right out of your life. Must have been such a difficult time for you.

I hope I could eliminate your guilt. I know it must have been hard, all this time, bandying back and forth between wanting to keep me or not hurt me and facing up to your non-feelings. No more looking at your phone and sighing instead of answering flirty texts. No more leaving me in your bed while you go do work on your computer. No more talking about “slowing down.” I’m not a dope. I get it.

You’re free. More importantly, I’m free.

You don’t like me — so today, I set us both free.


I'm going to post some of my favorite though catalog posts. I really like this one because it is both sad and beautiful

One More Stupid Love Song and i'll be sick

Alo Alo, I just love saying that.... along with my new slang Loly.... oh well

So I've been thinking a lot lately and .... *sigh i cant even finish this*

the Long and Short of it is that I am a quitter, one day i am really into something and the next day i'm not. I'm trying to change this.

Just Decided that everyday for the rest of the week i am going to write a post about my faults... as they say acceptance is the first stage to recovery....

Wednesday: Vanity and Greed

Thursday: Sheer Laziness and On Being a Spend Thrift

Friday: Well when friday comes I am sure something will come up....

On to happier things

Two of my friends got together this weekend!!! Whoop Whoop.... Apparently they are sort of an item... -_-, whatever that means.

Anyway i know i pushed and i convinced but now that they are finally together I am sad. I don't know why. For some strange reason I feel like it will all crash and burn and I will have to choose sides. I don't want to have to choose. :-( .... *Fingers crossed it works out*

Nothing on the Love Life fronts... This rut has been going on for too long

One of my friends is quitting her job... YAYYYY!! I'm so happy for her, she was too miserable in her old place.

I have decided to make my life a runway. I will make an effort every day for a month. Let us see how that goes... I am quite excited actually. The other day i wore this cute and very sexy dress (if i do say so myself), just to visit a friend  (side eye a female) and I was happy at all the comments I got

I have wayyyy too many clothes, but this is one for thursday.


That being said,
Peace, Love and Chicken Grease
Till Tomorrow Mon Amie

10 Things I No Longer Need to Kow

1. How to solve Quadratic equations. That was such a waste, like a wasssstttteeeeee

2. My Old Postcode's

3. Half of the things I learnt in Nigerian Law School

4. My Asos password, shrug I just use my sisters' account to order stuff

5. The names of my Ex-boyfriends siblings. Such a task. I kept forgetting and they both kept getting angry. Talk about accepting people as they are... pftttttt

Well  I said 10 but I can only think of  5 right now. Will write another post.... hopefully... maybe.... never

OHO

Hi.

Bye.

Okay.

Maybe.

Not.

I wish I had a posh british accent. That way i could say things like Blimey and not sound silly. Oh well.

It is strange how your perspective on life can change in a day.

On wednesday I was happy to sit back and coast , and by today I know where I want to be in 5 years.

Big Shout Out to the SIAO team i'm working with. You guys are amazing and once you make us millionaires I will mention your name in every article or seminar we give.

Purpose

Is

What

I

Have

I have discovered Pinterest. and as you have guessed, I so much love it. *hugs self*. I have never thought of my wedding day, like Never, but now because of pinterest i even have a wedding board. X_X... yes I am ashamed but shrug, i don't care.

Anyway till next time. Ciao.... keez... and what not.

Landan Townnnn

I'm off to london on monday.... woooosh..... i am super excited...

But wait I hope I don't get pulled over to the side by immigration for owing money.... LOL.... Nevuuuur

You see what Nigeria has turned me into.. I am actually looking forward to going to london.. London that I used to look upon with disgust... Situation don make crayfish bend....

I cant wait to go to hollister just to gaze upon the beauty of te male staff and maybe get a pair of jeans -_-, but mostly to gaze...

My Dad is the most wonderful man in the world. He just randomly suggested it. I think I am being rewarded by God for being such a sport because i secretly wanted to go but couldn't ask...

*hugs self*

You know that feeling you get when you are about to do something you shouldnt but you will anyway ------> Summary of my non-existent love life at the moment

And Lekan if you read this, You are a Loser :-p.. Just because I said so, and as I am the captain of the cruise ship, it must be true.

A few Articles i felt were quite interesting...

I stumbled on this website today. www. thoughtcatalog.com * hugs self*

here are a few articles i found really interesting

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-happens-when-youre-really-into-someone/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/how-to-win-a-culture-war-and-lose-a-generation/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/thank-you-hillary-clinton-for-not-caring-what-people-think-about-your-looks/