Body and Soul

 So I have had this sitting in my drafts for ages. \i dont know why. Maybe it is because after typing it. I didn't want to agree that it was true.... o well

I need to stop giving out my body and holding back my soul. The disconnect  I feel is horrifying. I could make out with a guy and that would be it. No connection nothing. I find myself forcing all the nice stuff that comes after. The have you gotten home, it was nice seeing you today and what not.

What really gets to me is the attention. If they don't give me attention I get upset. Which is really weird. if a guy I was seeing at a point in time sees someone else at the same time, I wouldn't be upset. Well I lie I wouldn't be upset if he told me. Can't be finding out these things myself. It is very trying and annoying. Does that make me weird?? 

I haven't felt that connection in ages and it scares me. I think that is the reason I open my eyes when I kiss. I need to learn to give my soul.

But then giving your soul is how you get hurt.

So decided the next time it is going to be the whole package. Body plus soul. If I feel nothing.. he aint getting this jelly *does beyonce pop*

p.s i dont mean soul soul, I mean just letting go and allowing myself to actually feel. No holding back. Just needed to clarify that just incase there was any confusion about selling my soul to the devil or what not.